Alright folks, buckle up, because we’re diving headfirst into the murky waters of “sustainable” cooking. I use quotes because, let’s be honest, sometimes sustainability feels like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle. But hey, at least we’ll have something to eat at the end, hopefully without poisoning ourselves.
BBC Recipes - Apparently, the BBC Knows About Sustainability (Who Knew?!)
Behold, the image of what I’m assuming is pure, unadulterated sustainable goodness! I’m picturing rolling fields of ethically sourced kale, chickens clucking contentedly in the background, and maybe even a politician or two pretending to care.
Now, I can’t actually SEE the recipe ingredients or instructions in that picture (shocking, I know), but let’s use our imagination, shall we? We’re aiming for “delicious” and “eco-friendly,” even if those two concepts sometimes feel like oil and water. In fact, sustainable recipe often feels like a dish I want to through in the bin.
So, let’s pretend the BBC has graced us with this culinary masterpiece. Let’s call it “Kale & Quinoa Quagmire,” just to set expectations appropriately.
Kale & Quinoa Quagmire: Ingredients (Because You’ll Need Them)
- 1 bunch of kale (preferably massaged. Yes, massaged. Apparently, kale is high-maintenance)
- 1 cup of quinoa (pre-rinsed, because nobody likes bitter quinoa. Bitter quinoa is just sad quinoa.)
- Half an onion (because a whole onion would be overkill. Unless you really like onions.)
- 1 clove of garlic (minced finer than my patience for pretentious food trends)
- Vegetable broth (from vegetables that were probably composted. We’re being sustainable here, remember?)
- Lemon juice (because everything tastes better with lemon juice. Even sadness.)
- Nutritional yeast (don’t ask. Just add it. It’s supposed to taste cheesy, but it doesn’t. It’s a lie!)
- Salt and pepper (because even sustainable food needs seasoning, unless you’re a rabbit)
- Optional: A single sprig of parsley, because aesthetics are important, even if the dish tastes like swamp water.
Kale & Quinoa Quagmire: Instructions (Good Luck!)
- Sauté the onion and garlic in a pan until they’re translucent and making your kitchen smell slightly less depressing.
- Add the quinoa and vegetable broth. Bring to a boil, then simmer until the quinoa is cooked and the broth is absorbed (about 15-20 minutes). Try not to burn it.
- Add the kale. If you massaged it, good for you. If you didn’t, well, enjoy the slightly bitter taste of your failure.
- Stir in the lemon juice and nutritional yeast. Try to convince yourself that it tastes like cheese. Fail miserably.
- Season with salt and pepper. Taste. Add more salt and pepper. Taste again. Still not good? Add hot sauce. Hot sauce solves everything.
- Garnish with the optional parsley sprig. Take a picture for Instagram. Pretend you’re enjoying it.
- Eat the Quagmire. Contemplate your life choices. Question the meaning of sustainability. Vow to order pizza tomorrow.
There you have it! Your very own “sustainable” meal. Remember, even if it’s terrible, you’re saving the planet. Or at least, you’re pretending to. Either way, you get a gold star for effort!
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