Well, folks, let’s talk about the universal feeling that strikes us all at some point: boredom. That soul-crushing, time-stopping, “is-there-anything-good-on-Netflix” kind of boredom. It’s like your brain is a computer and someone just unplugged the internet. But hey, at least we can laugh about it, right? Or maybe just stare blankly into the void together. Either way, I’ve got something here that might (or might not) alleviate the tedium.
The Boredom Buster Goulash (Guaranteed to Distract, Maybe)
This isn’t your grandma’s goulash. Well, unless your grandma was experimenting with questionable ingredients while watching daytime TV. This recipe is designed to be as chaotic and unpredictable as the feeling of being utterly, completely, and irrevocably bored. Don’t blame me if it ends up tasting like regret.
Okay, let’s be honest, that GIF pretty much sums it up. But we’re going to FIGHT THE BOREDOM! (With food. Because that’s how I roll.)
Ingredients:
- 1 lb Ground Beef (or Tofu, if you’re feeling virtuous… and even MORE bored)
- 1 Onion, chopped (chop it finely, releasing your pent-up frustration)
- 2 cloves Garlic, minced (because garlic makes everything better, even boredom)
- 1 can (14.5 oz) Diced Tomatoes, undrained (don’t drain it! Embrace the chaos!)
- 1 can (15 oz) Tomato Sauce (more tomatoes! We’re building a tomato fortress against the boredom!)
- 1 cup Beef Broth (or Vegetable Broth, for the virtuous tofu eaters)
- 1 cup Elbow Macaroni (or any pasta shape, really. Use what you have. We’re not aiming for perfection here.)
- 1/2 cup Ketchup (yes, ketchup. Don’t judge. It’s a flavor enhancer of… questionable origin.)
- 1 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce (adds a depth of flavor that will confuse your taste buds)
- 1 tsp Chili Powder (or more, if you’re feeling spicy and rebellious)
- 1/2 tsp Dried Oregano (a touch of Italian elegance amidst the chaos)
- Salt and Pepper to taste (because even boring food needs seasoning)
- Optional: A handful of potato chips, crushed (for texture! And sheer audacity!)
Instructions:
- In a large pot or Dutch oven, brown the ground beef (or tofu) over medium heat. Drain off any excess grease (unless you like it greasy. I’m not here to judge your life choices).
- Add the onion and garlic to the pot and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. (Try not to cry while chopping the onion. That would just add to the general malaise.)
- Stir in the diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, beef broth, macaroni, ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, chili powder, oregano, salt, and pepper.
- Bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 20-25 minutes, or until the macaroni is tender. (Stir occasionally to prevent sticking. Unless you WANT it to stick. Then go ahead. Embrace the chaos!)
- If using, stir in the crushed potato chips during the last few minutes of cooking. (They’ll get soggy, but who cares? We’re fighting boredom, not striving for culinary perfection.)
- Serve hot and contemplate the existential dread of your existence. (Or just enjoy your goulash. Whatever works.)
So there you have it! The Boredom Buster Goulash. Will it cure your boredom? Probably not. But it might provide a momentary distraction from the crushing weight of the universe. And hey, at least you’ll have something to eat while you’re scrolling endlessly through social media. Bon appétit… or something like that.
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Truth, Beauty, Freedom, And Books: November 2015
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